Mother, did it have to be so high?

Is it possible to be "just friends" with your first love?

My ex and I decided to hang out this weekend as "just friends." It was nice because I missed him so much. And I mean, after all we've been through, he knows me better than anyone else. Like I said in my last post, I never feel any reason to talk to other people about myself or my thoughts. Except I kind of do with him.

A lot of the time when I'm trying to make sense of my thoughts, I feel the need to tell him about them. Even though he's a stupid boy and is never of any help whatsoever. It just helps to have someone know, and to listen to myself say it. Trying to put thoughts into words often helps me understand what I'm feeling. Because a lot of the time, I can't really determine what exactly I'm feeling or why exactly I'm feeling that way. But, if I'm trying to explain it to someone, it helps me explain it to myself a little. Does that make sense?

So, what if there's always a little something between me and him? Maybe it'll help keep him in my life. At this point, I really want him in my life. I've missed him so badly. I've just felt empty. He really is my best friend.

Doesn't every girl have a secret crush on her best guy friend?

And who knows? Maybe one day, after college and all this "finding ourselves" bullshit is over, we'll get back together.

Or maybe I'll find someone that actually treats me the way I deserve to be treated.

Hey, I never said I'd forgotten all the pain he's caused me.

I had a hard time letting him in. It took months...probably over a year...before I finally let down my walls, so to speak. And then look where it got me. As soon as I teared down my walls, he built his own.

The next guy can thank Mike for all the shit I'm going to put him through before I let him in. It's going to take A LOT for me to let anyone in again.

Just to conclude with something as corny as possible, I'll leave you with this:
"All in all, they were all just bricks in the wall."

Goodnight.