Mental Illness

Senior year of high school I took an AP course (meaning college level in my district) in psychology. Perhaps part of my fascination with mental illness, as well as normal mentality, is because of my own mental issues.

So I'm thinking, where do you draw the line? I hoped that the class would answer that for me, and yet I still ask myself the same question all the time. There are different standards, of course. As for legal "insanity"... legal to be used in court as justification of a crime... one must fail to distinguish between right and wrong in order to be considered insane. Thankfully, I have no intention of becoming a lawyer, because how the fuck do you prove that someone doesn't know the difference between right and wrong?!?!! Cudos, lawyers.

But, for a psychologist, it's much more complicated. We learned that a problem becomes a diagnosable (word? hm..) illness when the problem A) blocks the person in question's ability to live a normal life, B) blocks people around the person in question's ability to live a normal life, and C).... something else? SHIT I forgot. Whatever, it was basically if a person is irrational, hurting himself and others, and if the problem persists for an extended period of time. Like, if someone is depressed because his whole family died, he isn't crazy. But if someone is depressed three years later because of the same thing, to the point where it affects his regular thoughts and actions, then he's crazy.

So, if anything traumatic fucks you up for the rest of your life, you're crazy.
If you never get over the death of a loved one, if you never let go of your first love, if you never forgive yourself for giving up your dreams...... you're mentally ill.

So, that narrows it down, right?
Honestly, who isn't mentally ill these days? One could argue that just about anyone is crazy. We're all fucked up. I've met lots of "mentally ill" people, but I've never met anyone that sees dead people, or talks to voices in his head, or conjures whacko conspiracy theories -- wait, strike that last one.

Right now, I could probably sit here and diagnose everyone I know with a mental illness. Yet, they all know the difference between right and wrong.

Has anyone read Prozac Nation? It was horrible. Basically, this chick whines about her experience with depression, which apparently was a much bigger deal than anyone else's experience with the same goddamn problems. But in her defense, could you blame her? Her parents got divorced, her mom was high-strung and annoying, and she was never carried off on a white horse by prince charming... nothing spectacular, but hey, she was unhappy. I applaud her for drowning out the voices in her head!

So my parents have problems. My brother is socially retarded, yet academically and creatively brilliant. His talents far exceed my own. My dog was taken away from me at age 5. My first babysitter and former best friend died of breast cancer. I'm not pretty or thin. My best friend of 10 years and I no longer speak because she went out with my first boyfriend three days after we broke up and then blew off every effort I made to maintain the friendship. My first love is incapable of showing emotion and I show way too much. The list goes on and on.

... all that and I still don't see dead people. Wow.

But still, maybe I am crazy. I mean, what if I don't think the way other people do? Sometimes I feel like my mind operates differently than anyone else's. What if I never find anyone that understands me? What if I'm doomed to relationships like the one I'm kind of not in anymore right now? What if, for the rest of my life, I have to suffer eternal heartache because I feel so isolated and alone even when surrounded by people?

This is beginning to sound like a fucking Fall Out Boy song.
Peace out. >_>